This month’s blog post comes from a personal place.  At the end of May, my husband and I made the difficult decision to put our eight year old rescue dog, Ruby, to sleep.  After fighting cancer and Addison’s Disease with grace for years, Ruby’s quality of life began to slip away.  We found ourselves in the vet’s office at 11 am on a Sunday morning (with our three-year old in tow) asking the only questions that mattered: “Is Ruby suffering? Is she in pain?”  The vet gave us the honest answer we had long dreaded. “Ruby’s not comfortable anymore. You have done all you can.  If she were mine, I would let her go.” And just like that, we did.  It was peaceful, loving and humane.  Just like everyone said it would be.  Although my heart was broken, I knew it was the most kind and civilized decision we could have ever made and that gave me a huge sense of relief.

Through the tears and heartache, the elder law attorney in me almost immediately began to contemplate—why can’t it be this easy for people? Every day I hear clients tell me in no uncertain terms that when their mind is gone, when their body fails them and when they are too weak and sick to carry on with any sense of dignity, “please, just let me go peacefully.”  Such an uncomplicated and widely held sentiment fraught with so much difficulty.  Health care proxies, living wills, advanced health care directives, do not resuscitate orders and a MOLST form—all legal and medical documents created so that skilled doctors and loving family members are convinced to stop saving a life at all costs and instead accept that sometimes enough is enough.  It’s something most of us want for ourselves and our loved ones, yet the natural instinct is to keep going because we hate to say goodbye.

I have always known and tried to impart upon my clients how important end of life care planning is for everyone—the old, the young, the sick, the healthy, the risk-takers and the risk-averse.  Appointing trusted decision makers and outlining care plans for our clients before the crisis comes is some of the most important work we do.  Even more important is revisiting the plan every few years with our clients to make sure that it still reflects their wishes.  While no one can anticipate what the future holds, the best we can do is to plan and prepare our clients so that they get a shot at having things play out in the most peaceful, loving and humane way.  That was Ruby’s gift to me and I felt like it was worth sharing with all of you.

August 2015